Christian Marriage

I read a sad fact the other day. While many of us know that the marriage success rate in the United States of America has hovered around a depressing 50%, did you know that among Christians the percentage is the same? Half of all marriages end in divorce and those of us who claim the name of Christ do not have a better “success” at it. Truly a sad fact. I don’t know the reasons for that. I suspect that many of the Christians polled are not active Christians worshipping regularly in a church, studying the Bible, serving their neighbor. With these life practices, our lives and our relationships are nurtured for the glory of God.
Many of you reading this column have experienced the tragedy and hurt of a broken marriage; I grieve for you and pray for others whose marriages are “on the ropes.” The difficult thing is that many are suffering in the shadows. Almost no one outside the home knows what is happening inside.
In this very brief space, I would like to offer some guidance for our marriages, both healthy and happy ones, and ones on the rocks. Marriages of every kind need nurturing. Even if good marriages are neglected, they will be damaged. For all married folks, read these words coming humbly from me and for unmarried folks, try to apply it to relationships in your life. I am adapting some of these pointers from Pastor Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in California. Warren is a pastor I admire in many ways and also disagree with in other ways but his pointers are helpful and I’ll note where I borrow from his writings.
Like the saying goes, “the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence; the grass is greener where you water it.” We must make sure our marriage is growing and developing, or we’ll be susceptible to moral failure. If you want a happy marriage, you’re going to have to work at it.
1. Surround yourself with reminders of your family. Warren keeps a drawer filled with reminders of his family. I keep pictures of my family in my office so that I can both remember them, celebrate them and let their need for me hold me accountable to be present when I am needed as a husband and father.
2. Keep lines of communication open. Keep the lines of communication open. Talk through issues in a way that works for you and your spouse. Some need to talk everything out, others need to “walk away” for a bit after an argument. The main thing is to return to a disagreement if it’s significant to at least one of you, and work it out. It’s very important also to understand what your spouses’ frustrations and dilemmas are, and understand their hopes and dreams.
3. Date your mate. You and your spouse need a regular date night. Put it on the calendar. Don’t let anything get in its way. It doesn’t have to be expensive. If the weather is nice where you live, have a picnic somewhere. There may be someone in your church willing to babysit your kids as a ministry to your family (Warren). Regardless of how you make it happen, you need to do it. For Christmas 2009, Bethany identified dozens and dozens of free things we could do together all over our area. They were both family fun and couple fun. It doesn’t have to be expensive but your marriage is what you had before children and your marriage is what you have after children are raised and on their own.
4. Pray. The most important one. Many folks are in marriages where one spouse is an active church involved Christian and the other is not. Ultimately we are responsible for our own relationship with Christ and with the faith exposure of the children God entrusts to us. If you are a nominal Christian, you could do nothing more important right now than to begin worshipping regularly, and letting study, service and personal generosity grow from there. If you are an active Christian, pray and stay committed.
Please receive these as words from a pastor who cares for each and every one of you. I pray for your church family and I treasure the knowledge that you are praying for me.